God is with us
“Don’t remember that day fully. Actually, if you think of it longer, its wasn’t even a day.” He remembers darkness of the night around, all rooms were silenced as if preying on something and hiding in the bushes. This silence was hunting down Tedore and his family, awaiting for His arrival. Easter in a few days.
At any moment this reticence could be murdered with an intensive sudden noise. But not yet. It felt as if Tedo was chained to the bed and mattress was swallowing him, making his disguise even trickier in order to falcon into the door when silence is murdered.
This is the moment. Rushing to the entrance. Hi there. For most of his life Tedo had to live abroad from home. This does influence you as a personality indeed, but more than that it reshapes your attitude towards certain objects and abilities to contextualise them. That night his father came back from a long trip, where he visited Home and brought some presents. “This is how we replace home now, I guess”. One of the items was a thin silver bracelet for Tedore, that was reminding of ouroboros, with an exception that it wasn’t infinite, wasn’t a snake and wasn’t an ouroboros. It was a religious piece. Simple, timeless Easter present with an intricate engraving in their language: God is with us. There isn’t much to describe about it visually, as well as it’s functional existence has kept itself questionable for Tedo ever since. Till this day he hates, loves, questions and ignores this object while never taking it off.
Being sceptical about everything since birth we have to say, even so, at that time, as a child, Tedo believed in God. Never was a true good Christian though and always suspected some under-tastes of bullshit in most of the rituals and unnecessary accessories. He accepted faith, even in his own socks, but not full corporal religions. For a kid - he was pretty odd in this matter. And if you couldn’t give him a good functional or emotional reason (which is quite paradoxical we have to admit) - Tedore wouldn’t agree with or do anything. Surprisingly enough, the only reason he was given that that bracelet should be with him at all times was - it protecting him and connecting with God. Ha. What it actually did - it connected Tedo to home. The only divinity he saw over these years - was how bright till this day and crystal clear it is. With time, him shapeshifting inside the realm of spirituality and becoming areligious, it became even weirder from perspective of reasoning to understand why he still can not take it off. Not for a single day over the past 6 years has this bracelet abandoned Tedore. The only thing that changed is it’s context, we guess, and the color of engraving. The deeper into the letter-shape - the darker words became. Still separated with little engraved crosses “God is with us" as if deepened into the surface, only leaving sharp edges of letters and the band itself shining bright as if brand new. What is this bracelet to him now? This is exactly THE question Tedo was not able to answer and pose properly. This question is as if shouted at him from the inside of that engraving the same way you see glimpses of scary shapes in the side of your eye, but he keeps pretending to hear nothing. Is it a childhood connection to home? Why is Tedore so scared to the core of his blood cells to take it off even when it serves seemingly no function, both moral and physical for him these days.
Six years ago he accepted it in the context of seeking warmth of home. Four years ago he questioned it in the context of turning his philosophy into spirit. Two years ago it became a relic of naive hope and cultural tradition. Today it is a beautiful object and an absolute point of relativity for metamorphosing meaning. It is not a symbol of religion as for others, but Tedo’s personal symbol for questioning. “And now that I think of it, what I fear the most about taking it off - is fear to stop searching for answers.”